Shibari Skills You Need To Know Before You Tie

Yes, there are some crucial steps you need to take with your partner before you start to do any tying together. If you skip these steps, it is only a matter of time before something goes terribly wrong.

These critical tips can save you, and your partner, from possibly becoming frustrated, annoyed, and/or disinterested in doing it again (which would defeat the purpose, right?)

The path of mastering something is the combination of not only doing the best you can do at it, but also doing it the best it can be done." - Gary Keller

Negotiate expectations? 

Did you think I would have said, “Negotiate your tie?”

Well, you see that is one of the biggest mistakes that newcomers make when doing shibari rope bondage. They negotiate what the tie is going to be, not what either partner expects FROM the experience.

Yes, you absolutely should negotiate what the tie is going to entail, but there is much, much more to talk about.

Do not let your rush to tie become the thing that prevents you from ever tying with that partner again. I have seen this happen far too many times.

Seriously, do not skip this step! 

Whether you are doing shibari or any form of BDSM play, this is something you do not want to miss.

Many of us “think” we are good communicators, when in reality we leave a lot unsaid. 

Renee and the filming crew for the online videos would always comment about my 85% communication. 

Meaning I would say 85% of what was needed to get the scheduling done and not close the loop, ooops!

In my mind, I did communicate everything, but for them – more than one of them, I didn’t.

This happened to me when I first started to tie too. 

I would think I communicated everything and find out that something was not said. I have also found this to be true with many of the partners I have tied.

No one was trying  not to say something, it just wasn’t “good communication.”

Be clear in your communication.

I have had to personally deal with this directly in my negotiations. I now have process that ensures I get all of my “must ask” questions asked.

This is something we get specific about in our 101 Course. And we cover it in the Getting Started Course too, but the deep dive is in the 101.

This may come as a shock to you, but remembering what you negotiated may be harder than you think. And if you cannot remember exactly what was negotiated, you can run into trouble.

Why is that?

There are several reasons, but one reason is if either partner does not follow what was negotiated that can ruin trust.

Trust is a key element in doing rope bondage.

If you lose your partner’s trust, it is difficult to get it back, trust me. I learned the hard way when I first started and made many mistakes that I want to help keep you from making.

There are other reason that are just as important as trust and may actually have bigger repercussions if they are not handled correctly.

So How Can I Remember?

One of the best ways that I have found is to repeat back to my partner what I heard them say and ask them to confirm that what I heard, is what they meant. 

Understanding negotiation and how it works in setting expectations is a critical element for all newcomers to learn and understand. It is also a learned skill, meaning you will only get better the more you do it.

This is why we are doing this right? 

Fun is a very important part of doing shibari and so is keeping your partner happy, so do these steps every time, even after you have been together for years!

Renee and I run through this exercise every time we tie. We may not need to get into some of the deep negotiation stuff every time, but we DEFINITELY talk about expectations EVERY TIME!

And you should too!

Until next time!

- SirKnottyDan